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The Sea Wasp (Ryk E. Spoor)
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Wednesday, December 19th, 2012

Time Event
When Worlds Collide...
... and its sequel, After Worlds Collide, are the subject of today's On My Shelves post!
My annual Christmas Spirit post...
To post my traditional Holiday material!

First, a look at the true origin of critical portions of the Christmas myth and their connection to Lord of the Rings.

Now, of course, we need to join in the traditional carol singing. The first of these is "Ring Their Bells"...

(to the tune of "Jingle Bells", of course)

Slashing through the Orcs
With a good two-handed blade
Over corpses we go
And through the gore we wade
Mace on helmet rings
Making bodies fly
What fun to sing our SLAYING song
And watch these suckers DIE!

Oh, ring their bells with swords and spells
Don't let 'em get away!
We're brave and bold
For Fame and Gold
We'll make a lot today!
Oh, ring their bells with swords and spells
Don't let 'em get away!
We'll hack and slash and blast and trash
And blow these dudes away!

Crashing through the door
Into the dragon's nose
Our mage whips out a Cone of Cold
And out his fire goes!
Elven bowstrings sing
Making Balrogs fall
And our thief finds a secret door
Into the treasure hall!


Then appears the Lich
With his demon guard
Our wizard yawns and wishes
We'd run into something HARD.
He begins to cast
His 19th level spell
The damn Lich throws a Gate at us
And drops us all in Hell!


We appear in Hell
In front of Satan's throne
Our cleric waves us out the door
And takes him on alone!
Satan's legions don't
Want to let us go
Our Techno pulls a bazooka out
And NUKES 'em 'til they GLOW!

Oh, ring their bells with Prayers and Spells
Don't let 'em get away!
We're brave and bold and CRAZED, we're told
To think we'll live the day!
Oh, ring their bells with Swords and SHELLS
Don't let 'em get away!
We'll hack and slash and blast and trash
And blow these dudes away!

Yes, we'll hack and slash and blast and trash
And drag our loot away!

And now let's finish with the traditional favorite, Frosty the Snowman!

Frosty the Snowman
Was a dark and evil soul
With a leaden pipe and a jack-knife nose
And a heart as black as coal

Frosty the Snowman
Is a horror tale, they say
He rose from the snow
And the children know
That he came to life to slay

There must have been black magic
In that hockey mask he wore
For when we ripped it from his face
He melted to the floor.

Frosty the Snowman
Was a dark undead you see
And the children say
He'll be back one day
For revenge on you and me

Yes, the children say
He'll be back one day
For revenge on you and me!

And hoppy hippodays to all!
Christmas Wish List...
... not that I expect my readers (LJ or my books) to do so, but many others have posted these so why not? Items range from the "Fantasy Island" level down to the practical.

"Fantasy Island"
1) A major motion  picture contract for one of my books (or a live-action or anime contract, I'm not picky!)
2) Ten... MILLION... dollars. That way I can retire and just spend my time writing!

"Wishful Thinking"
3) A large new book contract (say $10k+ advance to me)
4) See one of my books taking off in sales
5) Big, well-publicized review/discussion of one of my books (this could in theory lead to some of the others, I suppose) on one of the major online, print, or televised venues
6) Big new entertainment center (as in, one with a new decent TV, soundsystem, and so on that can actually work with modern gadgets)

"Possible but not easily bought"

7) Original artwork, animation, etc., based on my work -- characters, scenes, etc. I've occasionally gotten such and they're some of my favorite gifts. This could also be for Not-Yet Released works like Portal, Spheres, or even not yet published stuff like Polychrome and Demons of the Past.

"Money can't buy EVERYTHING but it can buy this..."

8) Large professional reproductions of my book's cover paintings. I currently have one (the one for Phoenix Rising); I don't yet have any of the others. (I'd like the originals, of course, but THAT gets into serious money, especially if you're dealing with people on the top level of the field)
9) Anything on my Amazon wish list is obviously cool. :)

And that's my self-indulgent post for the year! :)

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